Fading Away…

I’m posting one day late. Why? you may ask.
Because school is a murderer. A vicious, terrible, unforgiving murderer

gggggg
Right now I’m living in a dream. Where nothing is real, I know, but I cant help but wish and hope that it was. Everything’s so perfect here. We’re living in a bubble of happiness. You’re right next to me at all times. I love you, and you love me. Nothing’s broken, everything’s flawless. We’re burning so bright; it hurts other people’s eyes.

But as I slip back into reality, it all starts to fade away. You start to fade away, with my heart in your hand.

Another jerk and you’re gone. It all seems so unreal now. Was it ever real? Did I imagine everything? Were you ever here?

If you were, then where are you now?

I try to distract myself from the fact that you’re missing. But it’s hard. Its oh, so hard.  I’m slipping in and out of reality, because I don’t think I can live in this world without you by my side. I’m always in a haze, doing things I would normally never do.

But I’m not normal. Not anymore. Not in the real world. I am, however, normal when I’m with you in our play-pretend. It’s perfect, and everyone’s smiling. And when I come back to reality, I start to look for you, until I remember you’re not here.

And I think to myself, where are you now?

I wonder if you’re happy, I wonder if you’re hurting. I am. I know that I am. I’m hurting so bad I can barely stay in the real world without going into an endless whirlpool of emotion.

I have to let myself slip away, so that I don’t miss you. When I’m in my virtual reality, I don’t miss you because you’re right there with me. You’re holding my hand and kissing my lips. I’m happy there. I wanted us to be alive forever. In my world, we are. And as you fade away from my play-pretend, I fade away from reality. Slowly slipping into insanity, and I wonder if that’s a good thing, because there I would know where you are.

But I’m not quite there yet, I’m still one foot into reality, and all I can think is that you’re gone. You’re gone and I don’t know where you are. I wonder if you ever think about me, because I always do.

Where are you now?faded  At last I’m praying to retreat into my virtual world, where everything is happiness and sunshine, quite in contrast with my reality. I know you would hate it but I’ve made a decision. I’m going to stay in my play-pretend, where there’s no end to the fun we have. I have to do this for myself, because I can’t be alone again, and I need something to numb me, numb my feelings. I hope you understand.  I have to let reality slip; I have to fade away, so that I forget how much I miss you.

I have to fade away, because then my question will be answered.

Where are you now?
Right next to me. Forever.

~Going back to my perfect reverie

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35 Comments Add yours

  1. wildfire321 says:

    Yeah Its me, Yellow Fang

    Liked by 1 person

  2. wildfire321 says:

    Hey great so far Zany Hawk!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, that was a beautiful flow of thoughts. It sounds so honest and brings out your sadness as if it were the reader’s. 😃
    By the way, if you do like my genre of blog writing, please do check it out😊
    https://therantingsofabookworm.wordpress.com/2016/06/04/first-blog-post/

    Liked by 1 person

  4. moi.trois says:

    This is… aahhhh.

    Like

  5. First, thank you so much for the comment and follow the other day and sorry to have taken so long to respond. This is my favourite piece of what I’ve read on here. Aside from my personal and irrational bias against rhetorical questions, it feels visceral and angry before the speaker gives up at the end. (And maybe my rhetorical questions thing is legitimate in that the repetition, though effective, makes it feel less raw and more crafted.) “I wonder if you’re happy, I wonder if you’re hurting. I am. I know that I am.” is SO familiar, which is a really important part of reading for me – recognising my own experiences.

    Congratulations on 100 followers, by the way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for liking it. You’re the kind of person I wrote this for, because I was sure I was not alone in feeling this way. I’m glad you can relate to it, it makes my day.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Keith Haney says:

    The writing was exquisite and the development with the artwork really made the story come to life. You have a gift. I look forward to seeing where it takes you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Areeba says:

    *feels* it’s excellent 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jademwong says:

    The images you chose really helped accentuate the piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey thanks so much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. ❤ I’m glad you connected to it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautiful. Heartbreaking and beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awh thank you 🙂 I didn’t think it made sense honestly. They’re just random thoughts put into words, but I’m glad you like it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You made perfect sense! I really liked it – partly because I can relate.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yay I’m not alone in this! Thank you for that 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We are never truly alone in this world. :3 And you’re welcome! ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Abirami says:

    Its beautiful. You’ve totally captured that untold love story vibe using such a relatable technique. 🙂 Great job!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I wrote it so fast, I wasn’t even sure if made sense. Seems like it did 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Beautiful. You write very well, perfectly describing both the incredible highs and crushing lows of love. Looking forward to more exquisite posts like this one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it! I usually write things of this sense, I find it very easy to put into words. Thank you so much for your kind words!

      Like

      1. You are so welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Lily says:

    This is just so wonderful I can’t even begin to express myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Aanchal says:

    This is really amazing! I love it
    The way you illustrated it was good 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Emily Zhu says:

    Love all the emotion behind this! It’s heart wrenching.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This is really beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I loved your wordings, every single word meant a lot of things, every sentence had more than one meaning.
    It was so beautiful.
    It’s perfectly written.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This is very well written, I do hope you are ok. Just remember your worth in times like this. When we are hurt by somebody we tend to instantly blame ourselves and assume we are not good enough. So here is a gentle reminder. You are good enough ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you so much 🙂 This means so much ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s fine hunny, always here for you 💕

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Get out.
      also turn on the comments on your blog -.-

      Like

  18. uma197 says:

    It is so sad and beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I wrote this so fast, I didn’t even think it made sense. Thanks for liking it!

      Like

      1. uma197 says:

        It is just perfect

        Liked by 1 person

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