I Died To Live

It’s a chilly winter morning. I can’t feel anything, but that must be because I’m dead. I know this because I see the people wearing black cardigans and sweaters. Some are even wearing black long coats. It’s all black. I told them not to make it all black, but who ever listened to me? Oh well, can’t help it now.

I had a list of how I wanted my funeral to be. I specifically mentioned NO black and NO tears. I also said they should play good music, my music. Instead all I can see is black and tears and all I can hear is the sad melancholy tune of the church choir. Its a sad sight, but I guess that’s how funerals are supposed to be. If I were there I would want someone to kill me,  but no one would have. Guess it’s best I did it myself.

I’m floating near a tree, quite far away from the actual ceremony. I wonder if people can see me, but I doubt they can. All people are doing is going to my casket and whispering. I’m curious to know what they might be saying, so I float over there and listen to people speak to my dead body. It’s not eavesdropping, they are talking to me after all. 

First one there is my mother. She isn’t crying. Her face is red with anger I guess. My mum’s the only kind of person who’d be scolding her daughter even after she’s dead.
“You just had to go and kill yourself right? Always wanting to be a rebel. I say, ‘Go live your life to the fullest’ and you kill yourself. Is it worth it? I hope it is. Be happy where you are because there’s no way you’re coming back this time!” She whisper-shouts. I roll my eyes. Typical mom. But mum, I am happy. At least happier than I was living. I’m dead and I feel more alive than ever.

My dad’s not here. Again, typical dad. My brothers blotchy faced and speaking through sniffles and sobs. I can barely understand what he’s saying. Other relatives come, all crying and sniffing, and its a ridiculous sight. I’m done with it for now. I don’t want to know how sorry these people are or how they wish I rest in peace. They should’ve apologized when I was alive. It’s too late now.

I float back to my spot near the tree and wait for something to happen. Something other than this monotonously melancholic music and the continuous sea of black people. I see all my friends enter from one end of the ground. All my classmates are here, half of whom I never even talked to. This lifts my spirits (I am a spirit now, so should I say ‘this lifts me’? Being dead is confusing)
They’re making their way to the casket in little groups. Teenagers. They’ll never go anywhere alone. My classmates are talking to my body about all my embarrassingly funny moments. Turns out there are a lot of them.

My friends are teary eyed, but they try to look cheerful and crack jokes.They then start saying something surprising, “Hey listen, we know you didn’t want a gloomy funeral, but that’s what you got.” I know, its disappointing actually.
“We tried telling them, but they shot us down for ‘making fun of your death’. Ridiculous” Adults. Ugh.
“So we planned this after party. There will be colour and music and everything you love! Its a tribute to you and we hope you would come!” I can feel my spirit eyes tear up. They planned a tribute party! For me! I’m definitely going, glad to have some place to go other than this glum funeral.

At last my best friend comes. She’s alone. Usually I would be there with her, but not today. (though I am there, in spirit). She seems to know I’m listening and looks directly upward instead of into the casket. She’s staring me right in the eye, and I can see a tear roll down her cheek. “You didn’t have to do this. But you did.” I nod.
“You always did things you didn’t” She smiles, I return it.
“I hope you’re at peace. I hope you’re happy. And I hope you’ll always remain here. In spirit.” I nod. I will be here, always. She wipes away her tears and grins at me.
“We’re leaving for the party now! You HAVE to come.” I promptly follow her as she makes her way to the others.

The party is everything I could ask for. There’s colour and confetti. There’s fake snow and cake and balloons. People are laughing and crying at the same time. There’s a huge frame of my ugliest picture. Troye Sivan is blaring on the speakers and it’s so much fun. I’m floating around, listening to people reminisce about me. My best friend raises a toast,
“To the girl who died to live! Cheers!”
“CHEERS” The entire hall shouts.
“May you live your death to the fullest” Someone says.
“I will.” I promise as I float above the table everyone’s chatting away at.

I’m the girl who died to live. I was dead when I was alive, but now I’m living dead, and it’s the most alive I’ve felt in a long time.

~going back to my perfect reveire

 

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37 Comments Add yours

  1. Wow, what am amazing piece! I absolutely can’t imagine what it must be like to have to die in order to live. Hauntingly beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It must be a terribly life hm. Thanks so much 🙂

      Like

  2. yashvigupta says:

    It was so interesting. I was lost reading this

    Liked by 2 people

  3. phiabuck says:

    This was so intriguing! The way you took the story was really unique and interesting x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Zodiac says:

    Liked it but this post left me confused!
    Why she killed herself m still wondering.😅

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hanna says:

    Wow, this is really interesting and actually one of the best short stories I’ve ever read :).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awh I’m so honoured you think so!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sparkyjen says:

    [Found you at the Community Pool] This post reads like the best “out of body experience” someone could have, and live to tell about it. Believable in a strange way! Oh, and by the way, I have seen a few people attending TV show funerals wearing something colorful to off-set their black garb, but not that often. It made me wonder what I might wear to my next funeral. Nowadays, with more and people electing to be cremated, people are invited to more Celebrations of Life. There you might see the same garb people [nowadays] wear to church. Anything! Your post got my attention, and my mind doing flips into the category of: “Thought and Focus. Good one!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Evie says:

    This is a very interesting topic! It is so so interesting and really, really good (but what’s new? All your stories are amazing! 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comments always make me grin! Thank you! I’m happy you find this interesting bc I wasn’t very sure about its quality.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Evie says:

        It was awesome sauce! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  8. hideawaygirl says:

    This was so interesting and sad to read but I loved it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried something different and I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. shuvigautam says:

    Wow… Very different and unique. Interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. TheLivingMe says:

    This was one of my favorite short stories of yours 😁😁😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh wow really? I thought it was one of my worst! I’ve been getting many comments about how this scared people, and I’m thinking of taking it down actually… Do you think I should?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. TheLivingMe says:

        I don’t feel that it’s scary, it’s suppose to be a sort of happy ending right?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. yeah I mean the girl’s happy. Her friends are happy. She got what she want. It’s a happy ending

        Liked by 1 person

      3. TheLivingMe says:

        She died, so she can live a happy ‘life’

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yeah that’s the whole point. It’s oximoronic. It shows how strongly she believed in an afterlife

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Nostalgia says:

    Fuck…it scared the shit out of Me!!! Sorry for the inappropriate wordings but I almost shat my pants! One hella writing!😊😊😨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahaha inappropriate wording is fine here! I’ve been getting many comments saying this was a scary post… so I may take it down because that is NOT the vibe its supposed to give out

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nostalgia says:

        I think it was great!! Don’t remove it pls! I don’t care of it doesn’t have the right vibe because I’m sure many readers love it 😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Jhaneel says:

    Very interesting post … I’ve never thought about death from this perspective, that’s for sure! And I always thought of suicide as such an utterly depressing act that I guess I imagined that if there was an afterlife, the person wouldn’t necessarily be happier, but rather just relieved to have ended the circumstances they were in. This makes it sound a bit more hopeful lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hopeful yes! I’ve always seen suicide as a very calculated task, not something you do simply because you feel down. If it brings you peace, dying may not be such a bad thing. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m a perfectly happy person who’s sick of school work lol)

      Like

  13. Plakshi Jain says:

    She was the opposite of Casper, like a Counter Casper. A very interesting

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahahaha yeah that’s where I drew inspiration from… sort of

      Like

  14. Lively Life says:

    I feel abit scared! But intriguing

    Like

    1. Haha it’s not like she’s a ghost or anything. She’s just there to see how everything turns out. She’ll rest in peace soon after. There’s not need to be scared 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Deeply interesting. So the girl killed herself. A very well hidden story here. Really enjoyed it. Wonder why she did it? Depression or was it curiosity?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it would be simply because she wasn’t happy being alive. There’s another option out there, and she felt safer taking that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So she must have been a firm believer in the afterlife then otherwise she wouldn’t have taken the decision. I wonder what kind of sadness she must have felt…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hm I wonder too. Unlike my other posts, this wasn’t exactly from personal experience. I’ve never been depressed or felt the need to die. I had an idea about a dead person looking over her funeral, and I wrote this. It’s an intriguing post for myself too

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah, I just thought it could have a deep story to it. Even if you don’t know what you wrote, the girl’s parents were not exactly the nice role models you would expect bit the brother seemed to like her and one friend of her even knew that she was going to do it and her (the girl) also made a funeral list which her classmates know.

        It just intrigues me a lot.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think suicide is always a well thought out act. Nobody will just randomly decide to end their life over a night. It’s a calculated step. Clearly, her father is absent while her mother is very… Let say strong minded. Siblings always take a harder hit in this sort of thing. Now, friends. I don’t know if you’ve read my other posts in friendship, bit my friends are the most important people in my life. I thought about who I would speak to if I ever wanted to die, and it would be my friends. Afterlife is something I don’t believe in, but I added it to this story, just to see the other side of things. The idea of a funeral list I got from a movie I watched, where this dying man made a list of the things that should be present in his funeral, sort of like a last wish.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Hmm…. I see. It makes quite a good theory. Thanks for writing it.

        Liked by 1 person

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