More than anything in the world she wanted to be able to feel something. She wanted to be able to sweat when it was hot and shiver when it was cold. She wanted to feel pain like all other people did. But she couldn’t. Her body could not perceive pain, and it seemed like more of a curse than a boon to her.
When the car crashed, she didn’t feel anything. An initial shock and then a jerk, accompanied by the screams of her mother and sister. The window glass shattered to form the sand it once was. Everything became uncomfortably quiet after that. All she could hear was her mother’s slow breathing and the low hum of the engine shutting down.
She was very young when she realised that she was different. She could never understand why other kids cried when they fell down. She was always unfazed by minor wounds that made her friends ball their eyes out. She never felt the need to blow on her hot milk or wear a jacket in the winter. The only reason she didn’t was because she couldn’t feel pain at all. It was unknown to her, like a foreign language that everybody else seemed to understand. It made her feel alienated and distant, like a bird who never learnt how to fly.
There was nothing anyone could do to make her understand pain. It was a concept her brain could not process. Her parents always told her to look out for blood or bruises. She also had to keep an eye out for smoke or fumes coming from something scalding hot. Blood meant something was wrong externally. Bruises meant something was wrong internally. Fumes meant the article in question was either too hot or too cold to touch. It made her extremely observant of her surroundings as well as her own body.
She quickly scanned her surroundings. There was blood. Too much of it, oozing out from everywhere. There were bruises on her arms, and her abdomen was pierced by a piece of glass, spouting out more blood by the second. The windshield of their car was broken, and she could see smoke coming out of the engine.
“This can’t be good,” She thought.
Careful not to touch anything sharp, she managed to move enough to check on her mother and sister. Her sister had lost consciousness, and her mother was about to. She remembered what her biology teacher had told her about the body’s damage control. They must be in a lot of pain if their body decided to partially shut down because of it.
She, on the other hand, felt perfectly fine. But she knew she wasn’t. Her body was lying to her, like a kidnapper deceiving a child. Her inability to feel pain was stopping her body from going into shock, reducing it’s damage control capabilities, and killing her faster.
At this moment she just wanted to feel pain, but she couldn’t. Most people would think that’s a good thing, but she knew it wasn’t.
Pain exists for a reason. It lets your body know something’s wrong and needs to be fixed. She’d give anything to be able to feel it.
As her body finally felt like it was shutting down for good, she smiled and hoped next time, she’d live a life with pain.