Fighting. It was something she’d gotten used to doing. Almost like a habit. She wouldn’t pick fights with everyone and for every reason though. She’d pick fights with only those who mattered about things that mattered.
She mattered, and so she fought.
She brought up the topic trying to suggest something she didn’t like about her. It was meant to be innocent. She tried subtly, but subtle was never her. She had always been aggressive, running headfirst into an argument. Some found it charming, others annoying. But she couldn’t help it. It was just how she was.
The internet is a wonderful place but the real world is better. Internet friends are sweet, but real friends are amazing. This is what she was trying to tell her. But for some reason, she found it offending, took it in wrong ways and all of a sudden, a storm had broken loose.
She didn’t fancy fighting, but she was also not one to back down from a fight. She thought that she had valid points if she would just listen. But she was headstrong about it too. She knew she’d hurt her and that to some extent she was wrong. She wanted to say sorry, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t because she wasn’t completely wrong either. She couldn’t because her ego wouldn’t let her.
After a while, the “fight” went out of control and there was no going back. Her rigidity to defend her oh-so-dear ‘internet friends’ began to annoy her beyond limits. Her “sorry’s” didn’t matter anymore and it felt like they were at war. It hurt, of course, because this meant she couldn’t talk to her. It meant she had to be a bitch to her. It meant she had to hurt her more.
(That’s okay though. Your internet friends would be there for you then.)
No, thinking like that was wrong. She knew it. She couldn’t do it. This was her friend. Her actual-verymuchreal-friend. If she cut off from her, it would just make the whole situation worse. The point of this fight wasn’t to prove herself right. The point of this, from the very beginning, was to tell her that online friends may just run all at once, but your real life friends will always be there, no matter what.
So she denied the fight. They never fought. It never happened. She could go talk to her internet friends and she wouldn’t mind.
She wouldn’t mind as long as she knew the difference between them and her.
(Don’t worry when I fight with you. Worry when I stop, because it means there’s nothing left for us to fight for. Nothing left for me to care about.)